Thursday, February 15, 2018

Saturday, February 3, 2018

New Year - 7 Years 1 Month and 4 Days into the Self Realization Journey

It's another fucking year.

The Earth just rotates, and it keeps fucking rotates. It never fucking stop.

...

I didn't wanna to do anything.

I may might as well lay down here with no one hears me.

So sad...

I don't like it... I hate it...

It's another year... I just wanna finish this year as fast as possible.

I m so fed up with these bullshit.

It goes on and on and on and on... never stops never can i see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am so sad...

It is time for you to appear now, Sarah.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Saturday, December 2, 2017

6 Years 11 Months and 2 Days into the Self Realization Journey - Back to China again

I m going back to China soon. And what have I accomplished this year so far?

Nothing. Much. I am still dependent on my parents.

Pathetic.

There is so much I need to learn about filmmaking but somehow I almost learned nothing.

I spent most of my time on the computer just watching youtube videos or AOE 2.

Even thou most of the videos i watch are about philosophy and science. I cannot discern the notion that it is no different than a bored-to-hell lazy guy that watches funny videos and drinks coco-cola.

Like my filmmaker friend Zhuang in China, i have got so much awesome resources in the west, but I utilized nothing in terms of contributing to my professional career.

What a waste.

And that film i made was such a fuck up. An pathetic conclusion to my second year in AFDA.

What you gonna do in China? Messing around with your old friends and just go to cafés and sit there listening to your crappy music? Like you always do?!

That fucking best friend my mine, Zhuang. He has probably made a feature film by now.

Are you gonna run to your mommy and daddy? Fuck you are almost 30 now.

You are a burden to Sundance.

At least the airport will give me comfort.


Wednesday, November 29, 2017

A Coworker's Ending

This is the third time i hug Curé . and is the most awkward one.

I wont work with her anymore.

I dont want to.

Watching Mr. Bean at pre-Christmas makes my heart feel at ease.

This film, a humiliating one, may well be over before a new beginning.

Going back home in 5 days, I am looking forward to it 😊


Saturday, November 25, 2017

Alone going to the Graduation Fest

I m always alone.

No one goes to the festival with me.

I m only going there to see how I am going to be humiliated by all the very professional films the third year produce.

No hard pressure on Loren, i m sure she is already stressed. So are Wesley and Sisanda.

I m just talking about my own feelings here.

And because of English and culture. I may just well sit on my seat or walk around with no one to interact with during the intermission.

How awkward and shameful.

I bought another ticket for Nicole. Jeez, she has a girlfriend. Are you an idiot?


Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Closer to the end

I fucked up again. Closer to 30 years old.

This is not good.

3 hours.

3 hours of conundrum. And anxiety.

Its killing me. I really thought my killing thought was gonna kill me. Or harming someone else.

Never again would I feel this terrible feeling anymore, just can't feed him.